So for a bit now, I have been in a constant state of
anxiety. Some days are worse than others, but for the past while, it has been
there, noticeable to me.
As I drove into work this morning I had to deal with one of
the things that I have decided make my top 2 anxiety triggers list. Snow. I
hate snow. Maybe I wouldn’t hate it so much if I never had to drive in it,
didn’t have to shovel or be in it. I don’t feel well today, so it has been
easier to be irritated by things like this. As I was awake last night about 4
AM, I heard the plow go by and it irritated me so much! I was wasting time on
Facebook and found this:
(Totally how I feel about it right now)
The past couple of weeks every time it has snowed, I feel
like part of me has died a little bit. I don’t do extremes. I don’t tolerate
the really hot summers that would accompany moving south and I hate the snow!
Driving in the snow causes me a lot of anxiety. Not only
because the limited traction and visibility, but also the other idiots on the
road who think that they don’t need to slow down or don’t need to tailgate you.
So far this winter there has been one storm that I made it two blocks from home
and turned back around. It was not worth the death or anxiety attack. The other
mornings have been a careful drive, praying that nobody runs me off the road or
hits me.
Obviously since we have been getting some snow in Cache
Valley, this has been on my mind. I was also thinking about what is the other
main thing that causes me anxiety.
*Note there are a lot
of things that cause me anxiety, but these are the “I’m going to have an
anxiety attack” or something similar to PTSD triggers*
My other main trigger is a crowd. I’m an introvert, I don’t
like people in general, especially in large groups. If they are strangers, my
anxiety intensifies. I still struggle with crowds of people I know, but it is
much more manageable. {Maybe a reason that I’m still single. I don’t go where
there are lots of people!} Also, I think a crowd of women is much worse BTW!
This has been on my mind as I have become more aware of my
anxiety and what triggers and alleviates it. I think I have been able to notice
the anxiety more because since seeing the endocrinologist, many of the symptoms
I was dealing with have gone away. I have clued in more on the anxiety because
it isn’t being clouded by other things. As a teenager I knew that I struggled
with anxiety and even had a panic attack once. I was able to get through high
school and college by understanding how to do things that worked best for me,
but allowed me to accomplish them. For example, I always have a “to-do” list in
my mind and I like being able to check things off of it. But even if it is 3
things that each take 5 minutes and I have hours to do them, I feel overwhelmed
and stressed that I can’t get them done. I would always start on any homework
right away so that I could try to avoid having a list of things to do in one
given night. This helped immensely! I am a planner and planning seriously helps
alleviate my anxiety.
As I’ve gotten older I notice different things that cause me
anxiety. I’m not in school anymore so I don’t struggle with the homework and
grades anxiety. I mainly struggle with time, over scheduling myself and mainly
things that I can’t control. They probably cause me the most anxiety! If I have
some control {or at least feel like I do}, I do much better!
Dealing with IBS also brought anxiety right into focus. When
you have IBS, it gets worse due to anxiety, but it also creates some anxiety as
well. Since we have mostly gotten the IBS under control, some things that
caused me a lot of anxiety have gone away with time.
I look at my brother, who reminds me quite a bit of me as a
teenager, (except probably more social) and I hope that he can figure out
things that help him cope with his anxiety and understands that it will be a
lifelong thing to deal with and tweak. There are a lot of things in life that
we just have to do, even if they cause us anxiety. There are things we can do
to help get through it. Then another thing to figure out is knowing which
things cause you anxiety that you do not have to do. (At least that works for
me)
