Keep On

So for a bit now, I have been in a constant state of anxiety. Some days are worse than others, but for the past while, it has been there, noticeable to me.

As I drove into work this morning I had to deal with one of the things that I have decided make my top 2 anxiety triggers list. Snow. I hate snow. Maybe I wouldn’t hate it so much if I never had to drive in it, didn’t have to shovel or be in it. I don’t feel well today, so it has been easier to be irritated by things like this. As I was awake last night about 4 AM, I heard the plow go by and it irritated me so much! I was wasting time on Facebook and found this:

 

(Totally how I feel about it right now)

The past couple of weeks every time it has snowed, I feel like part of me has died a little bit. I don’t do extremes. I don’t tolerate the really hot summers that would accompany moving south and I hate the snow!

Driving in the snow causes me a lot of anxiety. Not only because the limited traction and visibility, but also the other idiots on the road who think that they don’t need to slow down or don’t need to tailgate you. So far this winter there has been one storm that I made it two blocks from home and turned back around. It was not worth the death or anxiety attack. The other mornings have been a careful drive, praying that nobody runs me off the road or hits me.

Obviously since we have been getting some snow in Cache Valley, this has been on my mind. I was also thinking about what is the other main thing that causes me anxiety.

*Note there are a lot of things that cause me anxiety, but these are the “I’m going to have an anxiety attack” or something similar to PTSD triggers*

My other main trigger is a crowd. I’m an introvert, I don’t like people in general, especially in large groups. If they are strangers, my anxiety intensifies. I still struggle with crowds of people I know, but it is much more manageable. {Maybe a reason that I’m still single. I don’t go where there are lots of people!} Also, I think a crowd of women is much worse BTW!

 

This has been on my mind as I have become more aware of my anxiety and what triggers and alleviates it. I think I have been able to notice the anxiety more because since seeing the endocrinologist, many of the symptoms I was dealing with have gone away. I have clued in more on the anxiety because it isn’t being clouded by other things. As a teenager I knew that I struggled with anxiety and even had a panic attack once. I was able to get through high school and college by understanding how to do things that worked best for me, but allowed me to accomplish them. For example, I always have a “to-do” list in my mind and I like being able to check things off of it. But even if it is 3 things that each take 5 minutes and I have hours to do them, I feel overwhelmed and stressed that I can’t get them done. I would always start on any homework right away so that I could try to avoid having a list of things to do in one given night. This helped immensely! I am a planner and planning seriously helps alleviate my anxiety.

As I’ve gotten older I notice different things that cause me anxiety. I’m not in school anymore so I don’t struggle with the homework and grades anxiety. I mainly struggle with time, over scheduling myself and mainly things that I can’t control. They probably cause me the most anxiety! If I have some control {or at least feel like I do}, I do much better!

Dealing with IBS also brought anxiety right into focus. When you have IBS, it gets worse due to anxiety, but it also creates some anxiety as well. Since we have mostly gotten the IBS under control, some things that caused me a lot of anxiety have gone away with time.

I look at my brother, who reminds me quite a bit of me as a teenager, (except probably more social) and I hope that he can figure out things that help him cope with his anxiety and understands that it will be a lifelong thing to deal with and tweak. There are a lot of things in life that we just have to do, even if they cause us anxiety. There are things we can do to help get through it. Then another thing to figure out is knowing which things cause you anxiety that you do not have to do. (At least that works for me)